Author: Revel Miller, Ph.D.

Revel Miller, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who has been practicing psychology for over 25 years and living in Santa Barbara for more than 15 years. He specializes in treating adults who experience depression, marital conflict, divorce transition and parenting challenges. Dr. Miller is also a behavioral health psychologist who collaborates with medical professionals and treats chronically ill patients who suffer from stress due to their illness. In addition, he actively collaborates with divorce attorneys and mediators to help support their clients who struggle with the stresses associated with marital transition. Moreover, Revel Miller is an experienced business coach who assists professionals, executives and small business owners to develop and grow their businesses.

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About Revel

Why Are You Writing This Blog, Revel? What’s the Reason for It?

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Dr. Revel MillerWhy Am I Writing These Short Articles for You to Read?

My purpose is very clear and simple to me. I want to introduce you to helpful ideas that you can use in your life.

To be transparent, here’s my longer answer. My reason for writing is to: educate and inform you; stimulate and provoke you; help you to overcome challenges and struggles; provide useful tips and advice; make you laugh; help you to consider and reflect upon your life; bring new insights; stimulate you to re-evaluate your thoughts and beliefs; assist you to break old unhealthy habits; start an interactive conversation between us; and inspire you to grow and take actions so that you can become all that you can be.

As you can see, I want to impact you in a positive way. I’m ambitious to influence you. I want my musings here to make you stop, think and feel. I want you to react to things that are important to you in your day-to-day life.

A happy smiling businessman working on laptop.My Articles Will Be Direct and Simple. 

You’ll read no fluff or superficial ideas here. You may not like or agree with some of them. You may not see the direct application in your life. But that’s okay because I will not be able to appeal to all of my readers every time.

I’m not trying to win a popularity contest. I’m purposefully trying to stir you up with new ideas so that you might take valuable actions to improve your life. For you and your loved ones, this blog will dish out relevant ideas that will help you to become more resilient and hardy.

If you want to be notified when I publish new posts, then click on the grey  “Subscribe” link below at the very bottom. Then you will be added to my list so that I can notify you by email. Don’t worry. Like you, I hate spam. So, I will never share my list with anyone else. And, you can easily unsubscribe at any time. Thanks!

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Humor/Mind Twists

Humorous Vocabulary Twist – Giraffiti

Giraffiti : Vandalism  spray-painted very, very high.

 

Mind Twists: Taken from The  Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational.  Readers were invited to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one  letter, and supply a new definition.   Very clever!

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About Revel

What’s Revel Going to Write About?

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expression de douteWhat Subjects Is Revel Going to Address?

Mostly, I will be posting about psychological, personal growth and self-help issues. My subjects will be various and unfold over time. I’ll write a mixture of single articles of short length on individual topics as well as a series of posts addressing one subject.

Here is a preview list of topics that I intend to address over the coming years: Relationships, marriage, marital & couple therapy, infidelity, divorce, arguing, pre-marital issues, men’s issues, psychotherapy, business performance coaching, group therapy, emotions, problem-solving, inner voice & self-talk, life balance, purpose & meaning, depression & grief,  anxiety, fear, sleep, life transitions, marketing & business development, parenting, family, psychiatric medications, love, intimacy, sexuality, dating, stress, maintaining health, chronic & terminal illness, care-giving, will-power, courage, risk-taking, aging, death and productivity. I will gradually be posting on these topics.

Does that give you a pretty good idea what lays ahead?

Life Is a Challenge for Each Human Being.

It always has been and it always will be. Nobody escapes or lives in heaven while here on earth. Life is a series of different problems and issues that keep confronting us. Big, medium, small problems. Exaggerated,  imaginary and real challenges.

Whatever form they come in, life problems are always annoying us. And, we’re always aware of them. These challenges may come to you uninvited and you may intentionally create some challenges to conquer.

In my posts here, I’ll address many of these problem areas and provide ways to overcome barriers in your path.

Toolbox. Toolbox of wood painted red. Miscellaneous Tools.Why? Because we all need tools and perspective to deal with obstacles that continuously confront us and interfere in our life. You benefit from using problem-solving skills that help you to clear your path and move forward. You need to set priorities and make tough decisions. You benefit when you learn valuable ideas, identify possible options and gain new insights. You win when you develop more emotional strength and resiliency to bounce back and solve the perpetual problems that you face.

I believe that my articles will provide you with some practical tools and hopeful insights to assist you through each day.

And if you want to be notified of my future posts, join my followers by clicking on the grey “Subscribe” link below. And don’t worry. I won’t ever share my list with anyone. And, unsubscribing is real easy. Just click on the green “Subscribe” link and you will automatically be taken off my email notification list. Voila’!

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Depression

How Do I Select a Therapist for My Depression?

Do I Need a Depression Therapist?

Dealing with depression can feel like a dark and exhausting journey through an ever-changing maze. To make it out of the confusion, you need hope and guidance. Please know that surviving and thriving is possible, but for many people it’s not a journey to take alone. Without treatment, your depressed mood could disable and keep you down for months or years.

First, be sure to identify your symptoms of depression honestly. Go to my other blog article to see the list of symptoms. If you have 4 or more signs of depression, you should find a therapist to evaluate your condition and help you. Here’s the link below to my blog article “What Are the Signs and Symptoms of Major Depression”:

http://www.drrevelmiller.com/2019/09/what-are-the-signs-and-symptoms-of-depression/

How Do I Find and Select a Depression Therapist?

Here’s a brief outline of 7 basic steps to take when selecting a therapist:

  1. Identify the names of some local qualified therapists.
  2. Call some therapists on your list and have a brief consult on the phone.
  3. Schedule an initial appointment if you like how they responded to you.
  4. Attend an initial “informational interview” to determine their experience, style and whether or not there is a “good fit”.
  5. Determine your possible costs and what benefits to expect from your health insurance company.
  6. Make a commitment to start working with one of the therapists.
  7. Make your first appointment and commit to regularly having sessions with that therapist.

These 7 steps above may take a week or two in order to meet a few different therapists. Shopping around for a “good match” is acceptable because you want to find somebody you trust, can afford and resonate with.

What Specific Action Steps Should I Take Now?

Take the following 4 next steps to find the right therapist to work with:

1. Do a Self-Evaluation – Start with yourself before meeting a therapist:

  • Identify and write down a list of the symptoms you are experiencing.
  • Ponder and write down the possible causes of your depression.
  • Determine how motivated you are to understand yourself, make changes and develop an intimate and open psychological bond with a therapist.
  • Contemplate what type of therapy program and setting you prefer and expect, for instance: an open vs a structured program; individual vs group therapy; male vs female therapist; small private practice vs large clinic; age range of therapist; etc.
  • Research the usual or customary costs of psychotherapy in your area.
  • Determine if you depend on your health insurance to pay for the treatment. Call your insurance provider for information about your benefits.
  • Determine how much you are willing to pay out-of-pocket for therapy.

2. Get Referrals – If you don’t know any therapists, you need to ask for referrals or search online:

  • Don’t be shy or ashamed to ask for recommendations.
  • Ask close friends or family members especially if they have previous experience with psychotherapy or counseling.
  • Ask your physician or pastor for a referral to someone they know and trust.
  • Visit the online directory of “in-network” mental health providers recognized by your health insurance company.
  • Check-out suggested therapists online to get more information.

3. What to Look for in a Mental Health Professional – Consider these qualifications:

  • Type of educational degree: Ph.D., Psy.D., M.D. or M.A./M.S.
  • Licensed by the state or working under the license of an agency or as an intern under professional supervision
  • Type of license: Psychologist, Social Worker, Physician, Marriage and Family Therapist
  • Number of years working as a therapist
  • Treatment specialties with clients
  • Level of experience with your type of problem
  • A pledge of valuable and productive sessions
  • Good listening skills
  • Provision of helpful direction, advice and feedback
  • Trustworthy and professional demeanor and presence
  • Compassionate and accepting personality

4. Meet Therapists Face-to-Face – Assess the therapist’s style:

  • Did you feel comfortable with and trusting of the therapist?
  • Did the therapist ask you probing questions about your symptoms, history and goals?
  • Did the therapist evaluate and listen to you before recommending therapy?
  • Did the therapist offer you hope and an initial treatment plan?
  • Did you determine costs and insurance coverage to expect?
  • Will the therapist submit claims to your health insurance company?
  • Be wary of promises of “quick fixes” in treatment results.

 What Should I Expect from a Psychotherapist or Counselor?

Ultimately, depression counseling works best if your therapist is a trustworthy, professional and experienced guide and a compassionate partner in your healing process.

With time and commitment, you’ll want to gain new tools and insights that help you overcome your depression and related symptoms. Choose a therapist who can share a clear process for helping you maintain hope and gain new perspective and knowledge regarding the possible reasons for your depression.

 

Over the past 30 years I have provided therapy for hundreds of clients and I’d like to help you heal and live a more fulfilling life. Let’s work together to lift you out of the darkness.

Call me soon to schedule an initial consultation session– 805-886-4050. Learn more about my depression counseling by clicking this link: http://www.drrevelmiller.com/what-we-treat/depression-counseling/

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Depression Emotions

How Do I Determine If I Need Depression Counseling?

What Steps Should I Take to Determine If I Need Therapy?

Only you can determine whether or not you need help. But you need to be honest with yourself and admit to your current problems and mood.

First of all, you need to assess whether or not you are depressed and then take action steps to find a therapist:

  1. Self-Assessment – Am I Depressed or Sad?

First, recovery begins by differentiating sadness from a deeper depressive disorder. Depression is deeper and more persistent, serious and painful than sadness. It is an over-bearing and ever-present mood disorder not just a temporary feeling of sadness or loss. Seeking personal clarity through self-evaluation can help you face your emotions honestly.

With this self-assessment and increased self-awareness, you can better deal with what is happening emotionally within you as well as admit your need for help. Your suffering should not be minimized or taken lightly.

  1. Seek Professional Help

Second, your next step is to identify and select a treatment professional to assist you back to feeling more positive and alive again. Once you’ve accepted that you are experiencing more than temporary melancholy and realize that you are significantly depressed, then you need to reach out for help.

However, when you’re feeling so low, the idea of seeking out a professional may seem overwhelming. Ask a friend or family member for help and don’t give up too soon.

Seeking professional assistance is an important step toward a healthy and happier life.

When looking for depression counseling, be sure to find someone who is knowledgeable, experienced and compassionate. Read my article on “How Do I Select a Depression Therapist?” by clicking on this link below:  http://www.drrevelmiller.com/2019/10/how-do-i-select-a-therapist-for-my-depression/

 What Are the Symptoms of Depression?

Check out the diagnostic signs and symptoms of depression below and honestly identify how many you are currently experiencing. If you are suffering with 5 or more of these symptoms, then you are clinically depressed and need professional help to lift out of your depression.

Here Are the Main Diagnostic Signs and Symptoms of Major Depression:

  1. Depressed mood with feelings of sadness, hopelessness, apathy, emptiness and tearfulness
  2. Markedly diminished interest in sex and pleasurable activities
  3. Social isolation and withdrawal from usual social interactions
  4. Significant weight loss or gain, or decrease or increase in appetite
  5. Sleep disturbance at night or sleeping much more than usual
  6. Anger, physical agitation and mental distraction
  7. Sedentary behavior and slow movement
  8. Fatigue or loss of energy
  9. Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt
  10. Reduced ability to make decisions, concentrate, organize or think clearly
  11. Recurrent thoughts of death
  12. Suicidal ideas with or without a plan or an attempt
  13. These symptoms cause significant distress or impairment in the patients’ social and work functioning.

These symptoms are not attributed to drug abuse or a medical condition.

If you experience 5 or more of these symptoms above then you are probably depressed and can benefit from a professional evaluation and treatment.

One to three of these symptoms does not mean you suffer with Major Depression. You may be struggling with a short-term transitional challenge or reacting to a sad or disappointing event.

What Is Depression Treatment?

Several different types of “talk therapies” are a proven approach for many variations of depression. Medication treatment by a prescribing physician may also be helpful.

Although you may feel somewhat overwhelmed by assessing your symptoms of depression, you do have control over how you respond to depression and you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to lift out of it. They want you participating more actively in their lives! Put an end to your frustration and suffering. Don’t keep perpetuating it.

Wouldn’t you seek medical attention for a disturbing physical symptom or pain? Similarly, you are taking positive action by seeking professional help for your psychological and emotional depression. Don’t hesitate to seek treatment. You won’t regret it!

The positive news is that recovery is very possible. The goals of treatment are a lasting recovery, personal insight, restored energy and emotional growth.

You Are Not Alone

Depression is common and nothing to be ashamed of. At this very moment, there are millions of US citizens suffering from depression. At one time or another, it hits almost everyone.

I have provided depression counseling for hundreds of clients for over 30 years and I am ready to help you recover and live a more fulfilling life. Let’s work together and lift you out of the darkness. You deserve to feel better.

Please contact me soon for a consultation – 805-886-4050. Learn more about my services here: http://www.drrevelmiller.com/what-we-treat/depression-counseling/

 

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Business Coaching Problem-Solving

What If Other People Are Involved in My Problem?

How Can I Get Others to Join Me in Solving a Problem?

Some problems may not be yours alone. A few of your problems might be shared with others or they may necessitate help from others. For instance, solutions could necessitate help from your partner, friends or family members or your employment boss, colleagues or work team members.

Here’s How to Get Others to Join You

Follow These 8 Steps:

  1. Solicit the help you need directly from the person who can help.
  2. Present the problem and explain how you would like to go about creating a solution.
  3. Let them know how and why they are involved and how they can help.
  4. Convince them of how they will personally benefit from joining you.
  5. Answer their questions and encourage their feedback and suggestions.
  6. Identify the roles you both will play.
  7. Make an initial plan for how to start.
  8. Get a commitment to join in.

Hopefully, they see their personal benefits in helping you, recognize the wisdom in your plan, and commit to joining you.

Couples Have Relationship Problems

Married and unmarried partners often have problems. Usually they work out their issues together but sometimes the problems become more frequent, complex, painful and destructive. At times one partner keeps nagging the other with little response. Or, both partners ignore the issues because they don’t know how to resolve the problems or they believe it will be too painful to try to work on them together. However, if they don’t work on the difficulties together then they may slowly lose their love connection, caring and affection for one another. This is a painful way to live with a partner.

Couple counseling and marital therapy are designed to help partners identify the obstacles between them and to help them remove barriers that hinder their relationship so that they can live with more love and intimacy with one another. This is not always easy but successfully working through problems is very gratifying, relieving and enlivening.

Families Have Problems

There are also problems within families. The issues, conflicts or misunderstandings may exist within the smaller nuclear family or smolder within the larger extended family. These, too, are very painful and cause suffering and resentment. At times issues blow-up and result in increased hurt or estrangement.

Family therapy was developed to assist family members face difficult problems and resolve them. Mental health professionals work with families to help them become more trusting, communicative, supportive and loving.

Business Work Teams Have Problems

Many employees work together to provide leadership, manage processes, solve problems, and create new products and services. Unfortunately, all employees do not function well with one another. When assigned to work teams the productivity may be high or low depending upon interpersonal relationships, level of commitment, leadership effectiveness and team member communication.

Sometimes, a project team’s productivity dwindles, goals are not met, and products and services are not produced or improved. The team gets stuck and discouraged and the business eventually starts losing money.

Many companies hire outside consultants or business coaches to come into their company to assess the team’s problem, create a strategic plan to solve issues, give guidance to the members and become more productive.

Who Can I Turn to When I Get Stuck Solving a Problem with Others?

You can ask for assistance from a number of different types of professionals:

  • With relationship problems, you can consult with a couple or marital therapist.
  • With family difficulties, you can work with a family therapist or consultant.
  • With work team issues, you can engage a business consultant or an executive or work team coach.

As a psychologist I am trained in couple and family therapy as well as executive coaching. I have experience working with couples and families as a therapist and with companies  as a business performance coach or an executive coach. If you need help in one of these areas, give me a call. I will definitely have some suggestions for you and you may want to engage me as the therapist or coach to help you in your particular situation.

Call 805-448-5053 for a brief phone consultation to assess your problem and get some immediate feedback.

 

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Business Coaching Problem-Solving

Are All of My Problems Real?

Are They Real or Do I Make Them Up?

Yes and No. As human beings, we have the uncanny psychological capacity to be very reality oriented and also to blow some problems out of proportion. At times we even create dilemmas where there are none. Sometimes we make up problems in our head. Therefore, some problems are very real while others are distortions or imagined.

What Kind of Problems Do I Face?

There are 2 kinds of problems that humans face.

  1. Real life problems in the outer world demand our attention, like financial, social, parenting, automobile, medical, or work and career problems.
  2. Real  psychological dilemmas centered within us silently and unconsciously, such as emotional, mental, spiritual, sexual, relationship or self-identity problems.

Man sees other self in mirror

Why Do I Have a Problem in Solving Problems?

Humans are masters of distortion, exaggeration and imagination. Sometimes, in our head, we embellish or blowout of proportion a problem and magnify the size or importance of it. We are frequently drawn into a confusing world of demands, extremes, dichotomies and paradoxes. And this makes understanding and managing our problems all the more difficult and complex.

We may become very uncomfortable and get caught-up in doubt and uncertainty. We can also be overwhelmed with fear or anxiety when thinking about confronting some types of dilemmas. We get stuck and don’t know what to do. So, we procrastinate and avoid working on the problems areas. That’s why many of us have difficulty solving problems.

Are Problems Inevitable and Inescapable?

Yes. It’s not a “problem” that we have difficulties and obstacles to face and manage. They are inescapable. It’s just a fact of life that we all deal with and try to accept as our human condition. Problems are simply realities, big or small, that we face daily.

Give me a call if you want to consult with me about problem-solving – either personal issues or business concerns. Call 805-448-5053.

And if you want to be notified every time I post a new article, simply click the “Subscribe” link at the bottom of the page. Thanks!

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Business Coaching Goals Problem-Solving

What about Procrastination and “Unfinished Business”?

What about Procrastination?

How can you reach your personal, career or relationship goals if you avoid solving and eliminating natural and inevitable problems that arise? Putting things off until “tomorrow” only works if you focus on them tomorrow. But if you keep putting them off continually, the difficulties will never be resolved. Placing issues and problems in some type of mental waste basket and forgetting about them seldom works out well. Confronting difficulties will bring more success, relief and self-confidence.

Some people allow a number of significant problems to mount up over time. They avoid and procrastinate in solving them. They put these obstacles off into some type of make-believe future. Some people believe and hope that issues will magically go away and disappear without attending to them. There may be many of these problems stored away in some type of imaginary safe container that seals  off and prevents them from being remembered. But they never go silent. They persistently nag at us.

Procrastination and “Unfinished Business”.

Procrastination is a very big problem in the USA and for most people it is a big frustration that plagues them. I refer to this as “unfinished business”. These are barriers and difficult issues that you are not dealing but still feel annoyed by, like incomplete projects, broken promises, unresolved issues, past abuses, slights, put downs, failures, betrayals, misunderstandings,  or losses and violations by others.

The Impact of “Faulty Prioritizing”.

Your passivity may be unintentional and you may want to deal with the issue yet you keep avoiding decisive action and putting it off. Procrastination is form of “faulty prioritizing”. You may prioritize or identify a difficulty to be taken care of yet you come up with excuses to avoid or delay taking action. This is often followed by feelings of guilt and self-criticism. Procrastination damages your self-esteem and self-concept. If you keep it up long enough and procrastinate on a number of important issues, then it is easy to painfully label yourself as a “failure”.

Old lingering issues weigh you down and unconsciously create depression, anxiety, resentment, guilt, shame and seething anger. These problems may be out of mind, but they persist, disturb you inwardly and drain your energy. Some of this unfinished business can linger in you for 10, 20, 30 or more years.

Keep Progressing Forward.

Once a problem is solved, from your original list of prioritized problems, select a new difficulty to solve. Go at it with the same method outlined above. Be sure to choose new obstacles that you will probably be successful at achieving. Over time, you will develop the ability and desire to solve your largest problems.

If you don’t develop good problem-solving skills, then you may get emotionally overwhelmed and stuck. You may feel buried by a large or overwhelming number of issues to attend to and resolve. You must stop the procrastination and become more courageous and action oriented. To be dominated by anxiety, because you fear that you may fail, hurt omeone’s feelings or get injured or take further losses, can become paralyzing and self-defeating.

Keep Working at It.

Periodically, you will confront an issue or a series of issues that stop you dead in your tracks. But most of the time, you slowly work your way out of one problem and move onward toward the next issue in line. To get better and better at problem-solving takes repetitive practice and courage. It is a learned skill. And to improve, you constantly have to keep working at it.

Obviously, some problems are easier to manage and deal with than others. Some are daunting while others are minor routines. A few of the tougher problems will d

Problem-Solving Can Wear You Out.     

This continual process of facing problems, new and old, is stressful and tiresome. Sometimes you will block these persistent demands out of your awareness in order to relax and take a breather. But that strategy won’t work very well for very long. These issues will persist and disturb you mentally. Don’t allow yourself to become too discouraged. At times, take a break in order to reduce your stress and become more clear-headed.

What If I Get Stuck and Can’t Solve My Problems?

Unresolved problems can mount up and bury you psychologically. They usually persist in biting at your ankles, day in and day out, constantly bugging you until you face and deal with them. In fact, some big problems that you refuse to attend to end up wreaking long-term havoc in your life. Even money, distractions and drugs can’t make all of these difficulties vanish. And, new issues always arise and replace solved problems. We don’t live in a problem-free world.

If you are feeling overwhelmed then give me a call – 805-448-5053. I can help you overcome your stress and procrastination.

Categories
Business Coaching Problem-Solving

What If I Can’t Solve My Problems by Myself?

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Sometimes You Can’t Solve Problems on Your Own.

Most of us have the capacity to solve most of our problems. However, sometimes you don’t have the ability to work it out. So, you ask your friends and loved ones for assistance and advice. You might also ask your physician and minister for help. But this doesn’t always resolve the dilemmas.

doctor and woman patientSo, there are situations in which you may need to turn to a professional problem-solver who has the depth of experience, the psychological knowledge and the specialized ability to help you dig your way out so that you continue moving forward in your life.

That is where mental health specialists like me come in. We are trained to help people resolve difficult challenges and problems. We have experience in dealing with similar issues that you are confronting. Therefore, we know the terrain and have some helpful tools to share with you. Our work is to help clients overcome barriers and work around obstacles. 

Some treatment by psychologists and counselors is relatively rapid in helping you to decrease your issues and symptoms. You may be able to get some quick positive results. That’s what everybody hopes for.

However, some problems are stubborn and take longer to work on to resolve. That is just a human reality. Just because we want an issue to disappear does not mean that it will evaporate. There is no magic like that. Some problems are big and take time, effort and money to resolve.

What If My Problems Are Too Big for Me to Solve Alone?

If you are plagued by personal and/or business problems or they seem too overwhelming for you to handle, then I suggest that you seek out a qualified psychotherapist or coach who can assist you and also help you develop improved problem-solving skills that you can use far into your future.

As a psychologist, I’m a problem-solver. I collaborate with you to work on challenges that you cannot solve on your own. Once the issues are lifted, you go on your way. You can see what problem areas I specialize in by visiting the “What We Treat” navigation button drop down list on this website.

Cropped_stockfresh_57892_pretty-smiling-business-woman-showing-thumbs-up-sign-over-white_sizes_ed8cc2

What If I’m Too Ashamed to Ask for Professional Help?

Nowadays, many people turn to mental health professionals like me for help. The old cultural stigma about seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist has significantly decreased over the past 30 years. It is very common to seek assistance with personal problems and there are many professionals to choose from because the demand for our services is high.

Some people feel the stigma of engaging a psychologist. They fear others will judge them as if they are “crazy”. However, seeking assistance with problems is the intelligent and practical thing to do. If you had a medical concern, wouldn’t you consult a physician? If you had a dental problem, wouldn’t you go see your dentist? If your car wasn’t working so well or made some strange sounds, wouldn’t you take it to an auto mechanic? So, you need to over-ride the old unrealistic stigma and ask for help with psychological issues.

Getting Help Is Smart.

Don’t feel alone because you aren’t alone. Seeking out help is a common action to take in the USA. Don’t make excuses to avoid getting help. And please, for your sake, don’t be ashamed of seeking out and requesting the guidance that you need and deserve.

If you’d like help in solving some problems, give me a call – 805-448-5053. We can work on them together.

And if you want to be notified whenever I post a new article, go ahead and click the grey “Subscribe” link at the bottom of this page. Thanks!

Categories
Business Coaching Goals Problem-Solving

How Can I Solve My Problems?

 In a previous blog article entitled “Do I Really Believe that Life Is a Series of Problems?”, I said that life constantly presents us with problems to solve. Here I will give you tips on how to go about solving difficulties that you face.

How to Solve Personal Problems

This post will give you a detailed method to use to go about solving your own personal problems. Check it out and then put it to the test!

The goal in solving your personal problems is to chip away at one issue at a time, to successfully work through each problem in an unending sequential series. You must prioritize the issues that you intend to confront and then leverage your focus and problem-solving skills to overcome the different types of challenging obstacles and difficulties you choose to deal with.

6 Steps to Solve Your Problems:

  1. Write down a list of problems to deal with.
  2. Prioritize the problems from biggest to smallest.
  3. Assign each problem a number from highest to lowest priority.
  4. Assign some type of attractive reward to give to yourself after solving each problem.
  5. Make a new prioritized “working” list to start following and working on.
  6. After solving one issue, replace it with a new problem from your prioritized list.

Why Create Rewards for Myself?

Rewards are motivating and keep you working toward the desired goal. They give you something to look forward to. Rewards, or positive reinforcers, soothe the pain of your risk-taking and  hard labors. Match the size of the reward to the size of the problems. If you are working toward solving a big problem, then award yourself a big reward after successfully completing the task. Even if a problem is small, be sure to grant yourself something small when you succeed.

You should always congratulate and reward yourself after achieving something. You probably don’t praise yourself enough but you do deserve to give yourself more positive feedback when you accomplish something that took time, energy, money and/or courage. Give yourself recognition and esteem. Make sure the rewards match the problems to be solved. Avoid over-rewarding and under-rewarding.

Write down these rewards on your list of problems to be solved. Make the rewards visible so that you can refer to them in the future after you have worked to accomplish something. Then when you solve the problem refer to the list and follow through with making the reward to yourself.

How Do I Select Which Problems to Work On?

After making your new prioritized strategic “working list” to start your problem-solving adventure, select those issues to start with that you feel assured that you will successfully solve. Don’t start by tackling your most difficult or highly prioritized issues. The goal is to successively move forward, one success after another. Set yourself up for success because success breeds more success.

Don’t start with the most difficult or pressing problems. You want to move forward and gradually build your problem-solving skills, courage and confidence. Start with easier or moderately easy difficulties. Start with minor issues first to gain self-confidence in your problem-solving skills. This will take decision-making, commitment and persistence.

Be sure to protect yourself from failure when starting this process. Move slowly and keep your expectations as realistic as possible. By successfully moving through one problem after another, based on a chosen list, you are becoming smarter and stronger, hardier and wiser. Plus, you will eliminate problems and feel good about it!

Keep Progressing by Solving Problems One at a Time.

Once a problem is solved, from your original list of prioritized problems, select a new problem to solve. Go at the list with the same method outlined above. Be sure to choose new issues that you will probably be successful at achieving. Over time, you will develop the ability and desire to solve your largest problems.

Reach out now! As a psychologist and business coach, I am in the problem-solving business. Call for more information: 805-448-5053.

If you’d like to be notified when I post a new article, simply click the “Subscribe” link at the bottom of the page. Thanks!